“Don’t interrupt, I’m still talking…”

When I chanced upon a Facebook newsfeed, “Teach your child not to interrupt in one simple step” by An Everyday Story, the first thought in my mind was, “Can this really be done in one simple step?”  It sounds too good to be true.  So skeptical me shared the link and showed interest in testing it out.  Minutes after posting on my Facebook, some mommy friends vouched its effectiveness.

Two weeks ago, I shared with Hannah that being respectful means allowing others to finish their conversation.  I acknowledged that it’s not easy to hold it in when she’s excited to share her thoughts.

I went on to explain that if she wants to talk when I’m in a conversation with someone, she has to place her hand on my wrist and wait.  I would place my other hand over hers to acknowledge her wait, and turn to her when ready.

Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.

– Henry David Thoreau-

Here’s my report two weeks later – we have had good results! With the implementation of this method, Hannah is less temperamental as she knows that I hear her, and she’s waiting in line.  Previously, she might kick a fuss with words like, “Mama, I want to talk to you…” or “Mama, listen to me please…”

In return, I’ve also used this method when I want to talk to Hannah, and she’s busy talking to Daddy or to her dolls.  Why you might ask?

While reading the book, “When You Say ‘Thank You’, Mean It” by Mary O’Donohue, it had me thinking of my response vs. my expected response of her.

It is essential to set an example for the child, both by how the adult treats the child and others around them.

– When You Say ‘Thank You’, Mean It-

Morals and values are often caught not taught.

What other methods do you use to teach manners and values?

P/s: I highly recommend “When You Say ‘Thank You’, Mean It” by Mary O’Donohue to families who wish to guide their children with lifelong values.  The book provides a monthly guide with simple exercises for each value (e.g.. gratitude, self-respect, compassion…) that parents could implement within the family.

You might also like to read my other post:  Helping your child bond with others

Changes that Heal: Helping Your Child Bond with Others

Lately, I’ve been reading Dr. Henry Cloud’s “Changes that Heal“.  It’s a book on personal growth written from a Christian perspective.  It covers on case studies and simple techniques that show you how to grow emotionally and spiritually, learn to heal past emotional wounds and identify mental defenses that hinder one from bonding with others on a deeper level.

Bonding with others

One chapter in “Changes that Heal“, covers how we could bond closer with others.

Firstly, what is bonding?

Bonding is the ability to establish an emotional attachment to another person. It’s the ability to relate to another on the deepest level.

Why does it matter?

1. Basis for Morality

In a case study, Dr Cloud asked the participants if they were given a baseball bat and had permission to bash him in the face, would they do it.  Usually the participants would reply no.  Then he goes on to ask why.

One person said, “Because it’s wrong to hit someone.  It’s not right.”  Another replied, “Because it would hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Now, which person would you trust with the bat?  Most people quickly conclude that they’d choose the latter, because he empathized.

Since we often do what we know is wrong, rules rarely keep us in line.  Love does a much better job of keeping us moral.  We think of how we might hurt the one we love, more often than we think of some code we must keep.

2. Meaning of Accomplishments

Bonding gives meaning to ones’ accomplishments.  They see their work and view things from a different perspective that make them productive.

Bonded people know the real reason for work.  They do not work to pile up possessions.  They do not work to run from pain.  They work for the family of humanity.

3. Feelings of badness and guilt

We derive our self-worth to a large extent from others.  Our feelings are usually internalized by how others treat us.  We feel as if we are bad, if we feel unloved or unaccepted.

How to Apply the Principles with Your Child?

1. Basis for Morality

I use to tell Hannah, “Don’t do this or that because it’s wrong.”   Now, whenever I see her snatch a toy or if she doesn’t show kindness to another, I ask questions like how the other child might feel etc, to help Hannah see in a different perspective and learn how to empathize with others.

2. Meaning of Accomplishments

Recently, we saw a cleaner clearing rubbish and Hannah told me that “the uncle was cleaning rubbish.”  Seeing an opportunity for a discussion, I asked her how she felt if all the rubbish bins were piled with rubbish, and there wasn’t anyone to help empty the bins?  What if our neighborhood was filled with litter and nobody cleared them?

She thought for a while, and said it was going to stink and she couldn’t throw her rubbish properly into the bins.  Then, I shared that uncle’s job is a noble one.  He helps to make the place beautiful and clean for everyone to enjoy.  We too have a part to play – don’t litter and create unnecessary wastage.

3. Feelings of badness and guilt

There have been several instances where Hannah was being snubbed by other children.  She might try her very best to make friends with them, like sharing her toys, asking them to play with her, tugging their sleeves and calling them, “Kor Kor” (big brother) and “Jie Jie” (big sister).  But you can’t control how other children react and let’s face it – life isn’t fair.  They may not treat you the same way as you want them to.

I see the look of disappointment and frustration on Hannah’s face.  There was once or twice where she literally broke down and cried because she was feeling “crummy” inside.  These are times where I’ll pull her aside and comfort her.  Assuring her that she’s not bad and there’s something wrong with her, if people doesn’t befriend her.  She will find people who will be friends with her.  And sometimes, the children just aren’t in the mood to make new friends.  That doesn’t mean they don’t want to be your friends forever.

Finally…

Children develop their perception of the world and how trustworthy it is through their parents. How they perceive things around them and how they bond with others are through their relationship with us.  That’s how important the roles of parents are!

Linking up with Susan from “A Juggling Mom”