Blessed Christmas everyone!
I’m on my daughter’s desk, pounding my keyboards drafting this post, with the washing machine whirling in the background. I have SO much to say but SO little time to compose.
“What lessons have you learned from God this year?”
A question in our advent devotion got me pondering. There are several moments and seasons that stood out for me.
1. God is ever faithful even when we are not.
Between my two children, Elijah’s the one that we worry the most. He is now communicating so much more than when we’ve first started. Other than his developmental needs, he also suffers from eczema that causes him to be irritable.
Many times, I feel helpless seeing him itch or feeling vexed that he’s unable to express himself in a situation. Sometimes, he feels wronged because his good intentions are often conveyed wrongly. E.g. he wants to play with a baby but he gets too carried away and applies more pressure/strength on the child. It’s usually the parent not the child that we have to deal with most times.
And because of such highly strung situations, my faith wavers. I ask God why we should go through all of this? I’m an involved parent…we spend quality time with our children. So why is our child having such social and sensory issues? I don’t deserve this.
Despite my constant whimpers and accusations, God takes it all in. Then, one day, He asked…”Is your heart aching as a mother? Do you not know that I, who created him, has the same heart as you? And even more so?”
Silence floods my soul…knowing that He has always been faithful. He has ALWAYS heard us; said and unsaid.
God has protected Elijah ever since conception. I’ve had 2 food poisonings, 2 medical allergies and a series of bleeding instances. Yet, Elijah stayed strong until full term.
During our NZ trip, Elijah fell and the back of his head starting bleeding…we were stranded in Mount Cook at 6pm…the nearest medical help was 2 hours away. God stopped the bleeding and almost instantly we saw the injury heal.
He has stood beside us through all circumstances, whether we were faithful or not.
2. God is never in a rush.
I guess, I’m so used to instant results. My definition of “instant” includes weeks and months. But when we’ve seek God for an answer for years…and no reply. We wonder what’s taking Him so long. We wonder if his answer can arrive in a speed train rather than in a horse and carriage.
As I’ve read in “Blue Like Play Dough” by Tricia Goyer, perhaps He’s more interested in the process…and perhaps we too, ought to focus on the process rather than the outcome.
I was waiting for an answer regarding Hannah’s primary school education. I guess most wouldn’t understand the dilemma we face. For the parent who has been homeschooling, they would say…”What’s there to think about? Carry on homeschooling as you’ve already done so.” And for the parent who puts their child in school, they would say, “Take the pressure off you. Put her in school already…”
Yet, we stand at the crossroads unsure which route to take. Honestly, I’ve been praying for an answer ever since Hannah was 5 (when the pressure of putting her in kindergarten started).
As the days draw nearer, I couldn’t wait for an answer. There were many days where I would rather make the answer for God…since she was my child, I would have the authority to do so, isn’t it?
Then, I was told to let my husband make the final decision. When I heard that answer, my heart sank…because I knew he would probably go with his agenda while I had mine. And it dawned on me, we all had an agenda for our child…have we come together as a couple to seek His will for our child? Is this child ours alone? No. Ultimately, she isn’t ours but His.
Well, the long story short…we applied to MOE for exemption from Compulsory Education to homeschool Hannah. At the same time, we went through the Primary 1 registration process.
The final verdict?
Hannah will be going to a public school next year. We’ve discussed as parents and as a family. We are taking each step as it comes, as I believe God provides enough light for each step. We may not know where this path leads to but I do know He is here with us.
…We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way.