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I’ve been silent for a couple of weeks. I have been contemplating whether to post this; it’s scary to be honest.
There’s an inner struggle within me. I’ve been seeking answers; hoping for solutions and having radio silence from God for a short period feels like forever…
Have you been through a dry period?
It doesn’t help when current reality shoves its ugliness in your face. When you’re feeling drained and weary, and things aren’t looking your way. You try to talk things out but “good advice” often feels like boiling water splashed over your wounded soul.
“Did you pray about it?”, “Oh, I’m just blessed that God heard my prayers…”, “Maybe you should pray like this…”
Of course, I’ve prayed a zillion gazillion times! Am I lacking in faith? Is there really a right prayer?
It gets to a point where I’m afraid to pray. Afraid I’d be upset with God when things seem worse after praying.
Like, I prayed for the baby to sleep a longer period at night. Instead I get woken up every hour or two.
As I rock him to sleep, my mind replays every little detail that happened during the day to figure out what went wrong: “Could it be this…. Or maybe…”
Have you experienced this before?
Source: Debbie via Flickr CC
When everything makes no sense, and I’m tired of gritting my teeth and dealing with things.
Right there, I’m back with God again. Surely there’s got to be some end to all these?
Over the past days, I am reminded:
Amidst the confusion and anxiety, He is God.
Amidst the weariness and mundane, He is God.
Amidst the loneliness and disappointment, He is God.
He has borne it all on the cross.
That is undeniable.
Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
I’m still in the process of reconciling my inner struggle. Your prayers are much appreciated.